Finding Unexpected Light

 

John Deacon

Finding Unexpected Light at Billy Gene’s

By James C. “Chris” Williams IV, Staff Writer

Well, I finally found John, not that anyone was as worried about it as I was.  As it turns out, he and Mrs. Deacon were having a happy, much deserved weeks’ vacation on a cruise to the Caribbean.  When he finally returned one of the many messages I left him, he tried to tell me that he had called and left me a message that he was going to be gone.  I assured him that, had he actually left me a message, it was a good bet that I would not have been calling him and leaving him messages wondering where he was.  Unbelievably, he actually saw the logic in what I said.  He had just called to tell me that he was in Kerrville for the day and was not going to have enough time to drive the 45 minutes to have lunch with me.  I sure didn’t have anything for this month’s newsletter so lunch in the big city of Kerrville sounded pretty good.  On the way out the door I tapped up and asked Uncle Google where we could get a good chicken fried steak in Kerrville and the name Billy Gene’s Restaurant flashed up on the screen.  Exactly 35 minutes later I pulled into the parking lot of Billy Gene’s (I admit I did exceed the speed limit slightly on the way).  From my parking place I had a great view of the Guadalupe River which was about two hundred yards wide at this point.  On the opposite side was a grassy rolling hill that seemed to go on forever.  My moment of visual relaxation was interrupted by a large black F-350 that parked in the one parking place that blocked my line of sight to the river.  I looked at the driver expecting to see a really big cowboy grinning from ear to ear.  Instead, I saw a really big cowboy with a much too serious look on his face.  We crawled out of our trucks and walked side by side to the door of the restaurant and other than a handshake, no words passed between us.  The usual jovial John was still on vacation, I guess.  The booth they sat us in provided a great view of the river and he was gazing at it and the hills behind it when I asked about his vacation on the ship.  His growling answer was “I don’t even like boats, I don’t like surprises, and I don’t know why the heck she surprised me with a trip on a boat.” I started to tell him that it was actually a ship and not a boat, but I figured that would further aggravate him.  I asked him if he was ok, and he got a sad look on his face and continued to look out at the river.  I thought maybe he was irritated at me, but I hadn’t done anything yet that I could think of to make him that way.  I tried to talk to him a couple more times while we were looking at the menus but all I could get out of him was, “Things aren’t always what they seem to be, and people aren’t always who you thought they were.” I was beginning to think I had made a mistake by meeting him when Kasey, our server, appeared to take our drink order.  We ordered a couple of iced teas, and I noticed as she walked away that it looked like John was staring at her ….  specifically, her right arm.  I have to admit that she was very pleasing to the eye, but John was a married man.  Now, I myself subscribe to the premise that if the Great Architect had not wanted men to look at women, he would have made them all look the same….  but John was an old man, and she was less than half his age!  He caught me looking at him funny like and realized why and got really defensive and I could see a little red had started creeping up his neck.  “Cut that out,” he growled at me.  “I was looking at the tattoo on her arm.  It was some writing that I couldn’t quite make out.” I was still looking at him funny and shaking my head when she returned with our drinks.  What does that tattoo on your arm say,” he asked quickly glancing sideways at me?  Her smile was quick and easy as she pulled up her sleeve and recited it to John.  She said that when she read the words the first time that they spoke to her personally and she had them put on her arm so she could always see them.  She said they held a special meaning to her.  The words that circled her arm were “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Now imagine with me, if you can, two old Masons sitting in a booth getting ready to have lunch, one bummed out for some reason and the other waiting for some Masonic profundity from the other and out of nowhere, almost as if it were written to happen that way, that we would be there on that day at that hour with Kasey as our server, and that she would deliver 19 words that would leave us speechless and staring at each other. I can’t speak for John, but it was one of those ‘aha’ moments for me.  As I sat there staring at John with all kinds of things running through my brain, I could vaguely hear Kasey telling John that she was a big Harry Potter fan and had read all the books and seen all the movies as well……and that those words were spoken by one of the characters in the Potter books….the one and only Albus Dumbledoor. She had to ask us several times if we were ready to order before we snapped out of our trance.  I had never laid the menu down and I looked at it and immediately my mouth began to water.  There was a lot of good stuff there and I was sure that John was going to have at least one of everything.  As I sat there in shock, I heard him order two chicken fried steaks, a pepper steak, and a plate of liver and onions.  A couple of the plates had mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans, another had a baked potato and okra and the last had grilled veggies and French fries.  Just listening to him order made me feel full already.  Somewhere along the line a completely dumbfounded Kasey had stopped writing and, realizing it, had to catch up.  She looked over at me and I got the feeling that she half expected me to just pass on lunch, but I quickly ordered chicken fried steak and off she went to turn in our order still in disbelief….  I think mentally calculating how many to-go containers she was going to need.  Little did she know that there would be no leftovers ….in fact when John got done there would be little effort to expend in cleaning the dishes.  It wasn’t long before Kasey returned with a small army of helpers carrying several trays piled high with food.  The booth wasn’t a really big one so by the time all the plates were laid out on the table my one plate was literally surrounded by several of his.  And true to his nature he gave me the ‘evil eye’ the whole time I was eating my lunch….  making sure I didn’t eat any of his.  I thought about telling him, since he was probably going to find some way of sticking me with the bill, that since I was paying, legally all the food belonged to me….so anything I ate would be mine anyway……but since he was in a foul mood already… ...I didn’t. It was a good thought though.  John dug right in like he hadn’t eaten in a week, and I could tell he really liked it.  As for my chicken fried steak, it was great.  I have found that there are chicken fried steaks that are better than others….and then there are a few that are in a class all by themselves.  And I know that it’s a matter of personal taste, but for me, this one was one of those in that special class.  It was made the way I like it….  the way my Mom used to make it.  Apparently, John agreed, because all I could hear out of him was a constant stream of tasty, yummy noises, which bordered on annoying.  I ate slowly enjoying every bite while John seemed to be afraid, I would abscond with a bite off one of his many plates and was eating at a record pace even for him.  I still got done about 20 minutes ahead of him.  As usual there was no conversation while he ate….  He was pretty religious about that rule.  As I waited patiently for him to finish, I hoped that he had something worthwhile to share with me for next month’s article.  He finished finally and turned to stare out the window at the peaceful flow of the river and I began to think that he had nothing.  Why the heck, then, did he make me come all the way out here just to watch him eat….and pay for it.  And so, I waited until I couldn’t stand it anymore, “John, I know you are upset, and I don’t want to aggravate the situation, but I am not getting any younger over here.  Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Slowly he turned his head towards me and said, “No, there is no fixing some things.  I was going to talk to you about something else but since Kasey shared her tattoo with us it has gotten me to thinking about something entirely different.” “Well turn that thinking into words,” I said quickly.  Because as much as I would like to, I don’t have all day to spend sitting here with you” As usual he ignored me, at least he acted like he did.  “You and I have talked a lot about Masonic Education,” he said slowly, “and I think that we are in agreement about how important it is.  Masons talk about “receiving light and instruction” and being brought from “darkness to light.” I don’t think most brothers realize that these are two different things.” ….. Man, I hated to interrupt because I know how he hates it but that statement kinda caught me off guard.

“Whoa up there my Brother.  I have never heard anyone say that.” I had stopped him in mid-sentence and now he clenched his jaw and gave me the evil eye again….so I shut up.  “Well,” he began slowly.  “It’s not hard to figure out that receiving light and instruction is about learning about Freemasonry, but being brought from ‘darkness to light’ is about something more personal and more private.  And before you ask, this is my opinion.  Going through the degrees, and learning the proper work is receiving light.  Possessing the necessary working tools is receiving light.  Learning all you can through study and participation and meditation is receiving light.  But being brought from ‘darkness to light’ is different and the Brother himself is the only one who knows when he has truly been brought from ‘darkness to light’.” He paused to take a drink from his iced tea, and I took advantage of that pause to jump in and ask as nicely as I could, “What the heck are you talking about John?” I quickly realized that it came out a whole lot louder and more forceful than I had intended, but I was confused!  He swallowed and just stared at me for several seconds like he was trying to mentally force some measure of understanding into my head…….  or maybe he thought I was not as worthy and well qualified as he thought I was.  “Brother Chris,” he finally said with a note of exasperation in his voice.  “I believe that coming from darkness to light signifies an advanced state of enlightenment and only you will know when and if you attain it….and Masonry’s ultimate purpose, and the purpose that most every Mason fails to see or understand, is to truly know and understand his own inner nature. Only then can he become the enlightened man he really wants to be.” I admit that I was starting to get a glimmer, although a very faint glimmer, of what he was talking about, but I was far from where I needed to be yet.  Seeing this, he continued talking really slow (like that was going to make me understand better), “When we are born, at that moment we are pure and innocent in every way.  We have no prejudices, no anger, no fears, and no bad habits.  And then almost immediately we begin to acquire all of those things.  But even as these things pile up inside, our deepest desire is to get back to being that pure and innocent person as we were when we were born.  Many don't realize this and frankly most are never able to realize it.  Masonry is a science which allows a man the opportunity to discover his deepest flaws....and face who he is or who he has become.  It teaches him to face those prejudices, anger, and fears, and allow him to begin to “divest his mind and conscience” of them in his quest to return to purity and innocence.  For several reasons, very few realize this path even exists......and even fewer take up those Masonic lessons and those working tools provided and set out on what many Masonic scholars describe as a path to perfection.  And although we know that true perfection is probably unattainable, the struggle of trying and the reward it brings are truly the secrets we are searching for......that which was lost.  Those personal discoveries and sublime truths a man makes of himself….  within himself….  are the true secrets of Freemasonry.  Secrets so personal and so private and so important that a man will never reveal them to another, and even if he wanted to reveal them, he couldn't possibly find the words to make them understood.” ………Then there was silence.  He began to gaze out the window again at the river as I sat there…….  staring into space…….  his words sinking into me.  I had no trouble understanding his words or comprehending their meaning at all.  The way he had said it was easy to follow.  But it was the depth of what he had said that left me speechless.  I was going to be thinking about this for a long time.  But I had a question.  “John,” I said….  aware that it might get my head bit off.  “You said that for several reasons, most Masons don’t even know this path exists.  What do you mean by that and what are the reasons?” Slowly his head turned back to me, and he replied, “Yes there are several reasons why Masons don’t know that there is a path to a greater awareness of inner self.  The first reason is that many do not believe that there is anything more to Masonry than our basic rituals and lessons and therefore no reason to search.  Another reason is that there are very few Lodges or Masonic organizations that even attempt to instruct Brothers beyond their Degrees and Catechism.  Therefore, there is no stimulation of the intellect to ask questions and search for deeper meanings….  which leads to the path we are discussing.  And another is that there are actually men and Brothers who understand and believe that what we call the secrets of Freemasonry, those ‘secrets that anti-Masons are chasing’ are but an outer veil that is meant to occupy those who are not ‘duly and truly prepared’ and surely those who are ‘not worthy and well qualified’. And I guess another reason is the perception that it is just too difficult.  There is no doubt that it is hard and in order to travel that path you must want it badly….  very badly.” As I digested what he said, out of my peripheral vision I saw Kasey slide the bill onto the table.  I saw John reach for it.  That brought me out of my spell and into reality.  I looked up with an expression of surprise and happiness, thinking he was going to treat, which quickly turned to shock and a frown as he gave it back to Kasey and ordered dessert.  “Is there no end to your appetite John?” I asked him, shaking my head.  “Brother Chris,” Whether I am driving across the State, or selling those working tools, or just sitting here talking to you, it works up my appetite.  And I just saw they have pecan cobbler.” Well at least he had the presence of mind to order dessert for me too.  And Kasey sure knew how to make two old guys smile cause when she sat our cobbler down in front of us, I saw that she had put a scoop of ice cream on top of each.  Ohhh boy, that ice cream on top of that hot cobbler was sure good.  Unlike John, I ate it slowly and savored every bite.  By the time I was done John had lapsed into silence once again and our bill had magically reappeared.  I looked at the time and realized that I needed to get back.  “Is there anything I can do for you John,” I asked.  He gave me a small smile as he slid out of the booth and said, “I am ok.” As I was paying the bill, he waved Kasey over and thanked her for sharing the message of her tattoo and she gave him a big smile and hug and then she was off to help her other customers.  As usual the big guy got the hug……but I guess he needed it.  Walking out to the parking lot I shook his big paw and thanked him for an ‘enlightening’ lunch.  That made him laugh out loud as I watched that big F-350 roar off down the road in a cloud of smoke.  As I drove along back to work, I was lost in thought.  I’ll bet you, dear reader, think I was thinking about the profound words of my Brother John that I had just heard, but no, I was actually thinking “why does John get all the hugs by the ladies?” Oh well, y’all have a great month and we’ll talk again.